Tips for a Successful Relationship

Tips for a Successful Relationship Ezell ORR confabulation Instructor Macy Dailey October 17, 2011 ? Dear Jack and Jill, My advice to you for a favored and everlasting human exclusivelyiance is advantageously discourse. Without good communication the eitheriance/engage handst will non develop to the next level of marriage. In the beginning your communication was shargonicular to conversations of neutral agreements beca make use of of the initial stage of your race. investigateers invite found that angiotensin-converting enzyme of the reasons a new alliance is usually so pleasant and friendly is that race emphasize the similarities they curb and ignore the differences (Brown &038 Rogers, 1991). As your relation blossoms the differences in twain of you will surface. nearly whitethornbe too minute to entertain, and stick out be easily overlooked or digested. Constant differences amongst partlyners that argon everyday habits fire be discussed and settle without har ming the kindred.Disregarding or overlooking major concerns such as, financial matters, sexual preferences, and raising of children can be harmful to the relationship if non lot properly. Counseling whitethorn be recommended or better(predicate) in most cases. Every relationship is incompatible, no two relationship atomic number 18 the corresponding. As the relationship unfolds and you both begin to know for all(prenominal) one new(prenominal) better, you will begin to release in familyation to the other which was sensibly private at the start of the relationship. The most important characteristic of a deep inter individualal relationship is the self-disclosure of our innermost thoughts and feelings (Roeckelein, 1998).When you both begin to permutation mortalal information, building trust and confidence that is a sign that the relationship is progressing. As the relationship progresses you will be more incline to bust more of your identity. Self Disclosure is some j udgment of conviction give-and-take, where both parties have represent risk when disclosing personal information. Shared disclosures will increase the vulnerability to organism hurt or disrespected by others, and the fact that you both have habituated so much of yourself may take out it complicated to break the hold fast you all have to meether.Forming a relationship with soul is not kindred what you see on TV. Communication problems can surface and disrupt the relationship or even bring it to an end. Certain behaviors can really intermit a relationship. Being silent, nice, and playing patchs these behaviors can damage a relationship and stand In the way of trust. Everyone tends to be silent at sentences, simply lengthy silence is not good for the relationship. Refusing to talk to someone is frequently a content of ascendenceling the other person or exerting billet in a relationship. If it is prolonged, it can even be a form of psychological abuse (Chang, 1996).It is ruff to turn up and talk things out couple to not talking at all. You know the old saying time heals everything so sometime it is better to let things along for a enchantment if both of you run acrosss that there is a problem. Another area of concern is organismness too nice or being overly agreeable. Dont put yourself in a position where you would rather let someone have their way or just take the blame to make the problem go away. Playing Games will in like manner destroy a relationship. In 1964, Eric Berne wrote a best-selling book titled Games community Play, which describes how mickle sometimes have ulterior motives.He called these strategies games (Berne, 1996). He outlined games as a dysfunctional way of communicating, and it is a minus exemplar of interacting that can develop between hatful. Berne said, In most cases, the participants of the game are unaware that they are playing they have simply demonstrable a pattern of interacting that is not constructive or useful in growing the relationship. Playing games at the expense of someones feelings is never a good thing. Relationships can easily take a turn for the worst when games are involved. The games will terminate when one of you decides to midriff playing.The end way out of playing games is that sometimes ends with one person becoming angry or upset. Berne also states that regardless of the strategy, open and simple communication can prevent the continuation of a game and its effect on the parties involved. It is best to not play games and let the relationship ravel out its course without any kind of interruptions. ? Another component of having a prospering relationship is being a good listener. Everybody who can speak, read, and write were taught to obtain these three components through parenting and school.We take classes in reading, writing, or even discourse precisely we rarely picture of someone taking classes in listening. You cannot netherstand others, respond appropr iately to what they say, and provide helpful feedback if you have not listened (Hayes, 1991). audition is one of the most important factors in interpersonal communication. One bailiwick esti pair offd that 45 percent of all communication time is spent listening, compared with 30 percent speaking, 16 percent reading, and 9 percent writing (Hayes, 1991). close people are also generally inefficient listeners they tend to close up rather quickly what has been said.Within 48 hours, we forget about 50 percent of that information, for an overall retention of about 25 percent force (Lee &038 Hatesohl, 1993). Most people think that hearing is listening, but much more is involved than just hearing something and waiting for it to get transmitted to your consciousness to be interpreted. Effective listening is a process that requires six explicit components (1) motivating yourself to listen, (2) clear hearing the center, (3) paying attention to the message, (4) correctly reading the mes sage, (5) evaluating the message, and (6) remembering and responding appropriately (Adair, 2003).You all must learn to be motivate and have an open mind and be willing to fix something from one another. During conversation between the two of you make sure you can hear each other clearly without any interruption. Virginia Satir (1976) suggests that when you do not clearly hear the speaker, you often make up what you think the other person said. We tend to make an assumption and wherefore hold the other person responsible for not communicating effectively. Paying Attention is another means of effective listening.Messages are sent by verbal and nonverbal means. To be an effective listener you must give your undivided attention to both verbal and nonverbal messages. Never jump to conclusion, let the other caller finish their thoughts before you intervene to ensure that you have interpreted the message correctly. ? Interpreting the prostitute message or signal can result in causing a n interpersonal remainder. Being able to indentify conflict and handle it without incident will improve your relationship.Daniel Dana, a pioneer in the electron orbit of mediation, suggested that four factors must be present for a disagreement to be considered a conflict Two people are interdependent they each need something from the other. Both parties blame the other or find sack with them for causing the problem. One or more of the parties is angry or excitedly upset. The parties behaviors are affecting their relationship with each other and/When conflict emerges, tenseness are high, and the relationship can be put in chance if not resolved as soon as possible.In all relationships, whether friendly, romantic, or family, conflict is unavoidable. Conflict can be hazardous to your wellness because it has the potential to get out of control, but it can also have value that can reinforce the relationship. Researchers Patricia Noller and Judith Feeney (2002) reported that some co nflict may actually be good for a marriage over time and can lead to the personal growth of both parties if the contradict communication is aimed at the other persons specific behavior and not at the whole person. Another scholar from Harvard University reported that conflict has other value as well.He noted, in businesses and other organizations, conflict increases the want to accomplish tasks, it helps people understand their positions because it brings issues out into the open and forces them to support their arguments, and it gives all parties to the conflict a greater awareness of their own identities. Walton also suggested that conflict can help people be more creative in finding solutions to problems. Avoiding conflict is ceaselessly better than promoting conflict. roughlytimes it is best to get away and let the air clear. When emotions are high and tensions are peaking, a little space between each other will slake the atmosphere.I am not saying to just sweep it under th e rug and hope it just go away. However, researchers found that the pattern that indicates a relationship is failing is that angry words are exchanged, the anger escalates, and then the withdrawal occurs. In other words, in falling relationship, negative emotions kindle the interaction between the parties, who then withdraws from each other (Zautra, 2003). Psychotherapist and originator Virginia Satir suggests that we are initially attracted to people because of what we have in common with them, but we grow on the basis of our differences (Aatir, 1976).When you premier(prenominal) meet someone you try and field them out. For a relationship to develop, you must have some initial interest. Some people will ask questions about another person, or they will watch someone to see if they meet the physical qualification. Some may listen to how someone speaks, there are several several(predicate) techniques we use to gather information about someone whom we may be attracted to or want to get to know better. Theorists intend that several factors may influence your attraction to certain people.These factors are physical proximity, physical attractiveness, comprehend gain, and similarities and differences (Hartley, 1999). Physical attractiveness is one of the first thing most people explore prior to entertaining a relationship. Some like their mate to be slim, some like them to be a little on the heavy side, some like them to be tall, scant(p), or even short and round. Psychologists have found, however, that you are strongly influenced by prototypes of the idea male and womanly form as portrayed by media in our culture (Cattarin, Thompson, Thomas, &038 Williams, 2000).Some people is attracted to others because of what they think they can gain from being in the ships company of superstars or other high ranking individuals. Do you find yourself associating with people because who they are, or what you think they have and maybe you could be a part of it, in other wo rds, you just want to be seen with someone who you believe you can benefit from. You have probably heard the saying, Birds of a join flock together. Which saying is true? According to researchers, both are straight (Hartley, 1999).It is good to know someone of importance or someone who is a superstar, but trying to put yourself in a position to gain something thru someone elses fame, it just not worth the trouble. If you grew up with someone who have recently gain fame and fortune and you wish to associate yourself with them and they acceptable your interest that will be entirely up to you. Emotional experience is another area you should be familiar with to have a successful relationship. Knowing how to manage, communicate, and understand emotional feelings.Emotional Intelligence is similar to emotional wellness, the higher your emotional knowledge-the higher your emotional health is. Emotional health allows you to stay in touch with your own feelings while you are open(a) to the feelings of others. It also enables you to handle lifes emotional setbacks in a healthy manner instead of taking your feelings on others (Segal, 1997). Emotional information has three components (1) the ability to effectively perceive, communicate, and manage negative emotions (2) the ability to experience, communicate, and ustain prescribed emotions and (3) the ability to retain perspective during difficult times and to recover hobby stressful events (Zautra, 2003). Most positive and negative feeling you encounter is a condition of your thoughts and your interpretation of events within the relationship. Psychotherapist and author Richard Carlson (1997) suggests that you think of negative thoughts similar to the way you think about your dreams. You may awaken and be upset about something that occurred in a dream.But you understand that imagine is unadulteratedly thinking while you are asleep, and you exile the negative dream because you realize that it is not reality. The negative thoughts you have while awake also seem real, but they are not necessarily the truth. You can dismiss them like bad dreams and not allow them to spiral out of control until they ruin an entire day or even a lifetime. When negative thoughts assail you, Carlson suggests you remind yourself of the following We all produce a unbendable stream of thoughts, twenty-four hours a day. . . Pick and choose which thoughts you wish to move to . Everybody has different moods happiness. You can be happy and be in a good mood, or you can be mad or criminal about something and keep your feelings inside and you can appear to be in a good mood. Moods are simply a part of being human, and being able to understand these moods oppose to letting them get the best of you will help you manage conflict. When you are in a good mood, everything look good, you feel good, and life if great. However, a bad mood can ruin your day and the people around you.We know that words are not things they are mere ly symbols that represent things. So as polyglot Robin Tolmach Lakoff asks, How can something that is physically just puffs of air, a mere alleviation for reality, have the power to change us and our world? (Lakoff, 2001). Words are very powerful, they can cause pain, damage, excitement, and they can inspire you. Words are magical in the way they affect the minds of those who use them. A mere matter of words, we say contemptuously, forgetting that words have power to mould mens thinking, to canalize their feeling, to direct their willing and acting.Conduct and character are largely determined by the nature of the words we currently use to discuss ourselves and the world around us. (Huxley, 1940). One of the first things children do when they first learn language is to identify parts of their bodies such as their eyes, mouths, or toes. They can say a word and touch the body part at the same time, so they tend to think that words have direct correlation with physical objects in the physical world. Thus, as children, and then as adults, we are misled into thinking that this item or object is what the word means. Because we communicate with others, and they understand us, the word must mean the same to everyone else as it does to us (Kreidler, 1998). Words can mean different things to different people. Words are symbols, and they do not have the same importee to everyone. Words reflect attitude, some words can be vile to some cultures and less offensive to others. When words are interpret wrong it can caused confusion and problems. The meaning you interpret from a message is always personal and is the result of many factors including your personality and experiences.Communication always occurs in a context, so the meaning of a message often depends on the context of the communication. ? References Satir, V. (1976). Making Contact. Millbrae, CA Celestial Arts. Zautra, A. J. (2003). Emotions, stress, and health. Cary, NC Oxford University Press. Segal, J. (1997). Raising your emotional intelligence A practical guide. New York Henry Holt. Huxley, A. (1940). Words and Their Meanings. Los Angeles, CA The shelter Ritchie Press. Hartley, P. (1999). Interpersonal communication. Florence, KY Routledge. Lakoff, R. T. (2010). Language war.Ewing, NJ University of California Press. Cattarin, J. A. , Thompson, J. K. , Thomas, C. , &038 Williams, R. (2000). Body image, mood, and televised images of attractiveness. The role of genial comparison. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 19(2), 220239. Retrieved, March 9, 2011, from ProQuest Research Library. doi 55606627. Lee, D. , &038 Hatesohl, D. (1993). Listening Our most used communication skill. CM 150, Communications. University of atomic number 42 Extension. Retrieved December 5, 2010, from http//extension. missouri. edu/publications/DisplayPub. aspx? P=CM150?